All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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