I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
