The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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