You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
