In the future we'll all be gay
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
