her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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