On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
