As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
