I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
