i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
