he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
