You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
