Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
