So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
