He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
