so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
