you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
