so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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