I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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