I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
