Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
