That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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