so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
