Everything about him screamed your future.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
