Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
