I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
