i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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