i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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