p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
