ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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