He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
