Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish my penis had a tongue
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
