I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
