she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
