I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
