It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize