I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
