I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
