Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
