areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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