he shaved USA in his pubs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
