you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
