I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
