Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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