there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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