proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
