can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
