Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
