I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
