Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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