if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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