Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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