I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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