if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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