I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
