Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
