Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
