are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
