They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two words: nipple clamps
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