sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The feeling are messing with the penis
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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