I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
