Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
