he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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