things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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