oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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