I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
