Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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