i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
