her vagine was all disorganized.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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