I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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