EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
