Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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