i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
