I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
not ubering you a puppy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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