he was CRYING into my vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
