everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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