If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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