worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
