i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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