Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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