dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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