we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
