he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
