Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its not stalking. its research.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
